


Slowly Panicking

by Miss_Purr



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Has PTSD (Good Omens), Crowley Has an Anxiety Disorder (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Sleepy Cuddles, its not as bad as the tags make it sound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23666191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Purr/pseuds/Miss_Purr
Summary: Sometimes, Crowley's mind works against him. It's a good thing he has his angel.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 207





	Slowly Panicking

**Author's Note:**

> This work is based off my own experience that I had the other day, only Crowley gets comfort and I did not.

Living life never having a place where you could fit in, constantly having to wonder the dark cramped hallways of hell where demons would take any chance they could get to harm another, being punished for every little mistake you made by said demons, living knowing that the end of the world was going to come eventually, thinking you lost the love of your life right before the end of the world, saving the world mainly thanks to a 12 year old who loved the world the way it was, living knowing that the final battle is still to come. 

It was really no surprise that with all that going on, Crowley’s mind would often work against him. He often knew when he was coming upon a bad day where he would jump at every little noise, see things out of the corner of his eye that he knew wasn’t actually there, and want to spend the whole day sleeping but not doing so because it would bring nightmares instead of relief. 

But sometimes these days had no warning at all, and he would be caught unawares, and he would be left panicking out in the open until he managed to calm himself down. 

\---

The heat of the sun rays shining into the room and onto his sleeping form and the feeling of a hand gently running through his hair is what woke Crowley on this lovely spring morning. Slowly, the demon blinked awake, letting his snake like eyes adjust to the bright light. 

“Good morning, dear” his angel said, having felt Crowley tense beside him and knowing that he was waking up. 

“Ngk” was Crowley’s reply as he rolled over onto his other side so he faced the angel and shoved his face into Aziraphale’s side, as if trying to hide from the morning. Aziraphale just chuckled fondly at his love and went back to the book that he had spent the night reading. 

It was quiet for a while, the only sounds being the gentle page flipping of the angel’s book and the soft yet completely unnecessary breathing from the both of them. 

Eventually Crowley slowly worked himself into a sitting position, blinking lazily at the small yet comfortable bedroom that sat in the flat above the book shop. 

“What are you thinking about dearest?” Aziraphale asked the redhead, pulling him into his side and pressing a soft kiss to the bright red hair that he loved so much. Crowley just hummed in response, not yet feeling up to talking. Something felt off to the demon, but he was too busy bathing in the love that flowed off his angel that he didn’t pay any mind to the bad feeling. 

“Ssssss’Zira” Crowley eventually hissed out. Aziraphale smiled gently at the hiss, loving the quirk of his snake-like demon. 

“Yes?” 

“M gonna have a shower” Crowley slowly managed to get out. 

“Okay dear, I think I’m going to open the bookshop while you do that” Crowley once again hummed in response. The demon continued to sit in bed and watched as Aziraphale slipped out from under the covers and miracled his pajamas off and his regular clothes on. Before the angel left he turned and faced the demon, leaning in and giving him a loving kiss on the lips. 

“I love you, angel” Crowley whispered as they pulled apart. 

“I love you too, dear” and with one final kiss the angel turned and walked out of the room, Crowley listening to his footsteps as he walked through the flat and down the stairs. It took the demon a few more minutes to will himself to get out of the wonderfully warm bed and walk to the bathroom. 

Once in said bathroom Crowley took a few seconds to take in the modesty of the room once again, to anyone else the bathroom would be normal size, but to Crowley -who made sure that his flat was the luxurious, meaning that everything was about twice the size that it normally was in the rooms that mattered- it was small. The redhead reached his hand into the shower and turned it on, setting to what some humans would call scalding hot. Next he decided to take off his black silk boxers and a shirt he had stolen from Aziraphale the human way. Once undressed Crowley waited a minute for the room to fill with steam and walked into the shower, sliding the glass door shut, as to not let any of the heat escape. 

Crowley started off with his usual shower routine, using his seriously overpriced shampoo and conditioner, and using his equally expensive body wash to clean himself off, and sure, he knew that he could’ve just miracled himself clean, but the demon found that he really liked the human way of doing it. After a while, Crowley noticed that the water had a very slight temperature drop, and he reached for the shower knob, making the water even hotter. Too hot. 

Crowley didn’t even notice at first, but eventually he realised that his completely unnecessary breathing had turned into sharp and fast gasps, and that his once still body was shaking. Once his new condition had been noticed, he couldn't stop it, and his breathing sped up even more. 

It took Crowley a while to clear a little bit of the static that had taken over his mind, and when it was cleared he remembered what had caused this, it was the shower and how hot he had had it, for without his permission his brain had connected the heat of shower to the heat of the flames that once burned in the bookshop. 

Once again, Crowley’s body worked without his permission, and his wings popped into reality, curling around him, as if to protect him from the heat of the water, and suddenly, the shower was all too small. His wings pressed up against the walls, making the shower feel smaller than it really was. 

Crowley realised that he was panicking more now, the combination of the heat, the cramped space, and the fact that his wings were now heavy with water, had activated something deep in his soul. It was a feeling that reminded him of when the end of the world was only a few hours away and he was driving through a ring of hellfire, it was a feeling that reminded him of when he ran into a burning bookshop looking for Aziraphale only to find a book, it was a feeling that reminded him of the cramped hallways of hell where if you ever showed a weakness you would be hurt, it was a feeling that reminded him of when he would mess up a temptation and hell decided that he needed to be taught a lesson, it was a feeling that reminded him of when he was falling past the stars that he made only to land in a pool of boiling sulphur. 

Crowley suddenly found himself outside of the shower, wings still out. He was dripping wet and the sudden cold air made his bones ache. It was still too hard to breath. The sudden bright light made his eyes hurt, so he shut them, and then it was too dark. 

Crowley’s mind was working against him, and he didn’t know how to stop it. It made him panic more. 

***

Aziraphale sat on his favourite armchair in the book shop, a cup of cocoa on the side table and a book in hand. Suddenly the angel was brought back into reality by a loud thumping noise. The blond was annoyed for a few seconds before he just decided to ignore it and return to his book, but he stopped when he realised that something was wrong. His demon wasn’t with him. A quick listen with non-human ears told him that the shower was still on, and that was odd, given that Crowley never really took that long in the shower, and a glance to the clock showed that Crowley had been in there for well over an hour.

Concerned, Aziraphale made his way back up to the flat, miracling the open sign to closed while doing so. 

When the angel opened the bathroom door, he wasn't prepared for the scene that met him. His demon was laying on the floor, dripping wet, breathing way too fast and way too loud, and shaking, but whether the shaking was from the cold or the panicking, the angel had no idea. 

Aziraphale quickly made his way over to his love, intending to comfort him, but as soon as he had a hand on Crowley’s shoulder, the demon shrieked and backed away so he was up against the far wall, eyes still closed. Aziraphale miracled the shower off, and miracled Crowley dry, it didn’t escape his notice that the demon calmed down a touch after he was dry, and that his beautiful black wings lifted, as if they suddenly had a massive weight taken off of them. 

“Crowley, darling? Can you hear me?” the angel asked. Crowley didn’t change in the slightest, didn’t give any indication that he could hear his angel. “Crowley dear, it is spring of the year 2020, you are in the flat above the bookshop and safe, you no longer work for hell and the end of the world never happened, you are safe.” Aziraphale spoke slowly and softly. As he talked he noticed that Crowley’s breathing had slowed some and that the shaking had grown less. 

“Dear, can you hear me?” he asked again, this time the demon nodded softly in return. “Is it okay if I touch you?” another nod. Aziraphale moved slowly and grabbed Crowley’s hand gently, the demon’s grip was like a vice in return, and Aziraphale could feel a liquid like warmth and realized that Crowley’s claws had come out during his panicking and when the demon had clenched his fists they had pierced him. 

Aziraphale removed one of his hands from Crowley’s and gently grasped the back of his red hair, bringing the demon’s head to his chest while also making his heartbeat just a little bit louder so that Crowley could hear it. 

“Can you try to match my breathing, dear?” the blond asked, he received a shaky nod in return. Crowley tried to match his breathing, Aziraphale encouraging him along the way and shushing him when he couldn’t do it and started getting frustrated. Eventually Crowley’s breathing had slowed, but the shaking didn’t stop, so Aziraphale miracled a tartan blanket and settled it over his demon, watching as Crowley happily curled into its warmth. 

“Can you tell me your name, darling?” Aziraphale asked, starting to ground his love. 

“Anthony j Crowley” 

“What does the j stand for?” 

Crowley hesitated a moment before answering, “it’s just a j really” 

Aziraphale smiled fondly at that, “and where are you?” 

“I’m in the flat above your bookshop” 

“What year is it?” 

“2020” and with that answer Crowley finally opened his eyes. 

“Anything else?” Aziraphale asked, admiring the golden eyes and the slit pupil. 

“I no longer work for hell, the end of the world was avoided, I’m safe” Crowley answered. 

They sat in silence for a while, Crowley still coming back into reality and Aziraphale admiring his demon, eventually though the silence was broken. 

“Can you tell me what made you so upset, dearest?” Aziraphale gently lifted Crowley’s head to face him as he asked. Crowley shook his head in response. “Okay, okay, you don’t have to tell me until you’re ready” 

“Zira?” Crowley spoke up, his voice finally steady. 

“Yes, dear heart?” 

“Can we please cuddle in bed?” Cowley spoke softly, and it warmed Aziraphale’s heart. 

“Of course, anything for you” Aziraphale picked up his demon gently and carried him to their bedroom, gently setting him down on the bed before crawling in himself and pulling the blankets over them. 

Crowley quickly curled up to his angel’s side and wrapped his arm around his soft middle. 

“I love you, angel” the redhead mumbled, the exhaustion of his panic attack catching up to him. 

“I love you too, Crowley, so much,” Aziraphale replied. 

Crowley was asleep within minutes, safe in his angel’s arms, and for once nightmares didn't haunt his mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a reminder that Kudos and Comments make me smile :)
> 
> Please point out any mistakes and I shall fix them
> 
> Come say hi at my Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/miss-purrrdy  
> (someone help I can't figure out how to properly link my Tumblr for the life of me)


End file.
